Business Partnerships: A Marriage of Minds

The tale so often begins with the thrill: eye contact over coffee and the realization that two minds can occupy the same thought at the same time;friends or acquaintances coming together and realizing they could be so much more; laughter and wine and a crazy idea that becomes a sober discussion. It sounds like romance, but this tale is serious business.

“Copreneurs” (couple + entrepreneurs) refers to married or otherwise romantically involved people who are running a business together. (The term hasn’t found its way into the English dictionary yet, but the Internet has adopted it anyway. It’s just a matter of time before Merriam-Webster catches up.) But many business professionals who run businesses together liken the professional relationship to a marriage with all the same emotional commitment and legal entanglements. So perhaps all business partners are copreneurs. For the sake of the next few pages, let’s borrow that notion while we examine the ups and downs of the intimate, emotional journey of running a business with a partner.

Love

In his best-selling book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix says that when we seek mates we subconsciously select people who, for better or worse, possess traits similar to our early care

givers or we do things that prompt or promote those traits. So for example, let’s say Billy had a mother who was verbally abusive. Billy will either subconsciously seek a partner who is verbally abusive or will consciously seek one who is not and then subconsciously prompt her to become verbally abusive. And when she does finally burst, he gets a weird, subconscious satisfaction that this is how the world and love are supposed to be. Eventually, Billy and his partner will split up, and the cycle will repeat. Hendrix calls this an “unconscious partnership” and goes on to advocate for and describe how to achieve a “conscious partnership.” His method involves a whole lot of self-examination (know thyself!), learning a new way to communicate, and then learning about one’s partner.

The early phases of a business partnership begin similarly with either a conscious or subconscious attraction to some trait the other person possesses. It could be skills, knowledge, capital, or experience one feels is needed to help the business succeed, or it could be a set of beliefs, values, or behaviors that just feel right, or some magical combination of things. And having an equal other with whom to discuss ideas, vet decisions, and share in both triumphs and failures is a powerful comfort.

Alex Ruby, Robin Blair, and Michael Aldea recently partnered to launch Rise Up Consulting to help other business owners start and grow their businesses. Their diverse backgrounds and skill sets make for a well-rounded team, which they say is the most important factor in their decision to partner, but they talk more about the intangible benefits of their partnership. “Whenever we all got together and started talking about the business, it was just so engaging and energetic we kept coming up with bigger ideas. The puzzle pieces just fit. We have similar ethics and attitudes, and our priorities line up very well.”
Brandon Uttley is a serial entrepreneur who recently started his fifth business, Go For Launch. Through a blog, an email newsletter, an e-book, and soon online courses, the company shares Uttley’s insights on starting a successful business. He shares sobering advice for “newlywed” business partners: “There are lots of benefits to having a partner. You have somebody who can help make decisions, balance your decisions, and effectively double the work output. And in the early days, there’s a honeymoon phase, just like with a marriage. After a while, that goes away, and you have to roll up your sleeves and muscle forward with the business. If you’re not both in alignment and in it for the right reasons or mutual reasons, then there can be problems.”

Ruby, Blair, and Aldea seem to be a newlywed trio in full alignment and open communication with each other. They have a solid partnership agreement in place and have a clear understanding of each others’ personalities and motivations. It just may be a happily ever after.

Marriage

Setting aside the spiritual aspects, marriage functions in our society as a legal contract with both stated and implied obligations. Stated obligations might include not committing adultery, which is mentioned in traditional marriage vows and is against the law in twenty-one states. Implied obligations might include not radically altering one’s personality six months after marriage or not spending every dime in the joint bank account on a trip to Vegas with college buddies. Smart couples spend time before marriage talking through all their expectations, some even going so far as having premarital counseling with a minister or psychologist or meeting with an attorney to create a prenuptial agreement.

Business partners should be no less thorough in talking through their expectations and obligations with an attorney and a certified public accountant to develop a partnership agreement. But even the most rock-solid prenup can fall apart if something goes horribly wrong with the marriage. Harvey Smith of Carolina Business Coach says there are different types of partnership agreements, but unfortunately most of them only cover such things as rights, roles, responsibilities, compensation, conflict of interest clauses, and contingencies if something happens to one of the partners or if one of them wishes to leave the partnership.

Smith’s method does not differ vastly (at least on the surface) from the work Hendrix does with married and engaged couples. Smith begins with assessments that help his clients gain a better understanding of their own preferences and behaviors, what he calls “how they show up in the world,” and then their business partners’ preferences. Then he teaches his clients how to communicate effectively with one another, a skill set that includes proactive listening and paraphrasing information back in addition to sharing one’s own thoughts and opinions. Smith emphasizes the dual responsibility we each have to (1) understand the person on the other side of the table and what it takes to be successful with him and (2) help him understand how to be successful with us.

Here Comes Billy With a Baby Carriage

“It really starts with the concept that a business is a living, breathing entity,” says Smith. “In a partnership, there are really three people in that relationship: the two partners and the business. The euphemism that the partnership is a marriage extends further—the business itself is the baby in that relationship. When we look at it through that lens, it becomes not just a transaction but rather an experience between individuals.”

Sleepness nights and bleary eyes are rights of passage for all new parents. But after the initial shock and sluggishness wears off, a system emerges. Mom is best at soft bedtime songs, while Dad does funny voices and rough snuggles that rouse sleepyheads from their beds. Mom is the fair but firm disciplinarian, while Dad handles the world’s most perfect grilled cheese sandwich. (Insert your own gender-neutral examples however you like.)

For business partners, the division of labor is a crucial aspect of maintaining boundaries. Bryan Meredith and Sue Johnston (a married couple celebrating their eighth anniversary in July) teamed up with Craig Utt to open Queen City Q three years ago. The trio forms a solid business unit and has never had a disagreement.

Utt says, “We all play to our strengths and don’t try to do each other’s stuff.” Utt, who has been in the restaurant marketing business for eighteen years, handles the marketing of course. Meredith has owned and operated several businesses over the years and manages operations and technology for the restaurant. Johnston is the detail-oriented member of the team and makes sure the look, feel, and experience in the restaurant is always up to her standards.

b2bTRIBE and its contributing writers talked to a host of other business partners (as you’ll see in the TRIBE section), and the division of labor came up consistently as key to a successful partnership. It’s a matter of respecting the other’s strengths and trusting them to fulfill their side of the bargain. Single parents have a tough job, and though many of them carry the full weight of the burden heroically, having two strong parents gives such fortunate children a head start in life.

Divorce

“It’s not personal; it’s just business,” is probably the stupidest thing anyone ever said, at least in this writer’s opinion. We spend most of our waking lives in our workplaces. Business is personal and can be deeply emotional. And sometimes business goes badly.

Partners may disagree on the direction the company should take. Personal conflicts may be left to boil and fester until something radical must be done. One of the partners may be unable to fulfill his or her agreements for some reason. Or the business may fail.

Whatever the reason, sometimes a divorce becomes necessary. A local entrepreneur who asked to remain anonymous said that business relationships are human relationships. If the business relationship isn’t working out, you don’t have to stay in it. You can break up. But be an adult—have a conversation before it gets really bad, so you can move on in a productive manner.

Bringing it back around to a more positive note (because no one wants to end with divorce), Meredith emphasizes the importance of choosing a partner well to mitigate negative issues down the road: “You have to know what it’s like to have a conversation with them before you put that dotted line out there for everyone to sign. If you pick them right to start with, then you’re generally going to be okay.”